It has been almost two years since I have been a stay at home mom to my twins. I have been with them day in and day out. Though we have a team supporting their growth and upbringing, as a solo parent most of the times, they have been my responsibility mostly.
Today as I sit back counting down my days to join back to work, there are a lot of things at the back of my head. I have some dilemmas, some worries and lots of insecurities about leaving my kids in the hands of others while I am away working.
We have decided about keeping a helper to take of the kids, and though we live with grandparents they are out working most times. So like I said I have my own set of qualms about leaving my kids in the hands of a lady who is unknown even though we have taken her from a well reputed agency.
These are a few pointers that we have kept in mind while setting up an environment for our babies to get used to this new aunty.
Cameras for Security
This was a major thing for us as most of us would be out all day and we had to keep an eye on the kids. This was just a precautionary procedure and one that would keep us sane. We had the entire security system in place before the helper joined us at home. We had an app installed in all our mobiles so that when one of us was busy the other could keep an eye on them at home.
Random Visits
My father in law has a very liberal work timing, because of which he is in and out of the house at really unexpected times. My mother in law works really close to home so she can drop in for visits at times to just check on the kids. This kind of unexpected visits can keep the helper on her toes and make her take care of the kids better I feel.
Being Nice to the Helper
These days working as a help is all about the compassion she feels towards the family and not because of the pay because there a lot of people out there willing to pay her even more. So being a little liberal and considering her situation and helping out once in a while can go a long in way maintaining a healthy relationship with the helper and thereby getting her to stay forever with your family (yeah I wish).
Broad Guidelines
All of us have been working under someone at some point in time. The basic thing is to set a broad set of guidelines and the helper should be aware of the cap limits to all the guidelines. We cannot go to micromanage her and instead trust her to do her job. She should be aware when she crosses the line and then your interference is most required.
Spending time with her alone
Kids should be given an opportunity to play with her and start spending quality time with her, initially in your presence and then slowly you could head out for short intervals of time and see how they react. Slowly increase the duration and finally before joining work permanently see for a few times how kids react when you are gone for the entire day.
Explain to your kids about what is happening
We do not tend to give children enough credit for understanding the situation, but the reality is that kids will understand a lot more than our expectations. We must give them credit for accepting changes as openly as they do. Explain to them how mommy will be going to earn money to buy toys and clothes for them. They will definitely appreciate what you do for them if you explain how it is difficult to run a family without money and so on depending upon the he of your kids. The main things is to tell that no matter what mommy will love them none the less.
Keeping all these things in mind, plan ahead in time and make slow transitions. Give you kids time to comprehend and accept the terms of the changes. Appreciate them and spend time with them once you get back from work to make up for the time you spent apart. I strongly believe that spending 24 hours is not important but spending 4 quality hours of being together makes all the difference. Make a genuine effort to put away your phone's while you do so. Because it the end of the day children are you world and it's for them.
I would like to thank Noor Chawla for introducing me. Do check out her blog to see what's her take on life this week.
I would like to introduce my friend Cindy Ann Dsilva to this blog train. Do check out her blog.
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