How exactly to not spoil your toddlers?

 I live in a joint family where parenting is done by all of us at home. It's a group activity and the implications of each persons parenting technique being different I see that affecting my children in a drastic manner. Here are a few real life examples that I have seen in my children as changes, because as parents or grandparents we make a certain action for a reaction. 

1. Kids will fall, and they will pick themselves up. It is okay for kids to fall while they learn to walk, but grandparents feel that falling is meant to be avoided and even if they fall, they have to be pampered and rubbed to stop any permanent damage occurring from the fall. Now when my kids fall, they tend to go around hitting the floor saying that it hurt them or the wall where they hit themselves. This is what they see the elders doing to makes these kids happy and now they re going around hitting everything. 

2. When mom says no, it should be a no even with another family member. This is some sort of a rule that nobody seems to understand. If elders in the house can't stick to what the mother is saying then how will the kids listen. It takes a village to parent kids. And unless the village is united, kids tend to go haywire. 

3. Pampering should be at a limit. We as parents and grandparents tend to camper kids. Pampering is fine but there should be a limit to how they should be pampered. Pampering is in no way proportional to how much you love your kids. 

4. Earn their gifts. Kids should be able to understand the value of the materials that is being given to them. We don't want to have spoilt kids which will later on become a problem for parents itself. 

5. Saying No. This is one important art that every parent has to learn. No means no and it should only be used when you really mean it and no matter what no should never change to a yes in case of crying or shouting. Sometimes it is right to let them learn things the hard way. 

6. Teach you kids disappointments early. It is okay to get disappointed and kids should be taught to cope with it at different levels as they grow up. No matter what they should be brought up without age to face these failures. Also don't set such high expectations hoping they will attain it, instead set lower expectations that you know they will attain. Thereby you ensure a happy baby and a happy parent. 

7. Teach kids chores. Kids need to do age appropriate chores and need to understand how each one is supposed to work hard to help run the family. Also in a family where you have a son and a daughter, please try and assign chores without a gender bias. This is very important for their proper growth and development. 

8. Assess before giving a luxury. Every time you do something for your child, make sure you don't tend to over do it. So there is one question you need to ask yourself. Will my kid be able to afford this on their own in the future? For example If you are buying your son an expensive toy car, just ask yourself the above question. If you feel that he will be able to afford it himself then you can go ahead and get him. Otherwise please don't. Again it's same as setting up an achievable goal. These are a few incidents I faced in real life and how I started un-spoiling my kids based on my self realisation about them being spoilt.