Parenting in 2020

By - sneha
18.06.20 10:43 AM

I want to breathe, I want to feel free and I want to be loved unconditionally. These are thoughts any normal person would have. Anybody might just yearn for these without the barrier of age, sex or color.


The moment I have all this, I tend to be happy and find content from within. But after all is that all I am worth? Do I need someone to love me just so that I am happy? Is feeling free the only thing that matters to my happiness? I am more and perhaps beyond all that right? 


"I mastered the art of telling people what they wanted to hear and being someone they would find impressive—all the while worrying incessantly about what others thought of me, fearing criticism, and holding myself back as a result.” –Sacha Crouch


The moment I read this quote I was able to relate to this. We humans are social beings, and we need approval of others to feel good about ourselves. But this is not a very healthy habit I must say. We need to be able to fuel our source of fire from within. This is the only way that we manage not to burn out eventually.


Just not that, its our childhood and the upbringing that makes us this way. Psycologists have found reasons to believe that neglect and hurt while growing up are some of the major reasons for humans to become dependent on the opinions of others.


Kids are brought up being appreciated all the time and when they face rejections, they are hurt. As parents, we need to instill a habit of facing constant appreciation and criticism in equal dosage so that we may prepare them for the harm realities of the world.


Teenagers are troubled with crushes and infatuation. Encourage them to fall in love but simultaneously teach them that love is not everlasting. This realization will save them from numerous heart breaks. As parents, your love story should be the one encouraging your children to fall in love.


I haven't watched anyone die, even the number of funerals I have attended in person are quite few. I haven't lost many to death, but I can't imagine what it would be like to lose them. Even hearing about death is still new and scary to my senses.


I binge watched the season 4 of 13 Reasons Why. I really wanted to relate to Clay Jensen's hidden personality and Hannah Baker's reason for suicide. I felt like I don't really understand their circumstances, I don't think their pain was strong enough to hurt so much that they would decide to take their own lives. Am I just being cold hearted or am I just being rude because I survived a high school experience that was nothing like this but equally tormenting? All this felt trivial to me because I overcame all these emotions. However, that shouldn't give me the right to ignore or disregard their pain.


All these teenagers must have had numerous emotions flowing through them. Just when they needed someone to talk them out of their crazy ideas, there was no one for them to talk to. They sought help of their friends to survive, to procrastinate their decisions, to help them out of a black hole. Sometimes when we feel like we have no one, there will always be a few people to whom you can confide.


Children face issues of sexual abuse from a young age. I have heard stories of close relatives and family friends abusing and molesting children. I must say none of the genders are safe when it comes to molestation. Parents need to have an open relationship with their children. Also teaching about good touch and bad touch from a really young age is essential. Consent before you touch your very own child so that they can also understand the concept of consent.


Young adults face too much trauma. These days there is so much of knowledge around them and they are looking to find themselves out of all that. Sexual orientation and preferences are something our generation did not have an option to choose. If you were a girl, you need to be a marrying guy. But today's generation has so many options available that it is confusing for them. They don't know how to decide or even proceed with the process because as parents we don't support them. We don't think a gay son or a lesbian daughter is not something we can be proud of as Indian parents. Does that even really matter? Especially when we find our children to be unhappy over our forced beliefs on them. 


Not always do our hurt heals. We change, at small levels sometimes at levels we can't even comprehend. Our hurt is a big deal to us. Sometimes we don't talk about it, sometimes we want to talk about it but then nobody understands. So at some point in time, you have to realize that people will criticize and judge you. All that matters only when you have a doubt about your decisions.


Introspection could be the solution to all your problems. An assertive decision of yours will never require anyone's approval or acceptance. Also having the confidence to face the consequences to your actions will help you sustain better in a world full of repercussions.


Adulting is hard in itself but bringing up children without damaging them is harder. So today let's make a promise to our children and our future, we will love you and accept you for whatever and whoever you want to be. We will be there for you, no matter what. This is the trust we need to instill in our children.